How do I get my probation revoked?

In The Dallas Morning News yesterday was an article about Jeremy Watkins. Jeremy is 29 years old. In 1998, police caught Jeremy selling 10,000 hits of LSD. He was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison. He served 8 years before being released in January 2006 and placed on 5 years probation. Conditions of probation included employment, a drug treatment program, and no "excessive" use of alcohol. He got a job at Park Cities Jewelers in Dallas and a second job as a DJ at Mick's bar.

Probation should have been revoked #1 -- Last November 20, Jeremy caused $500 in damage when he hit a parked car at an apartment complex in Dallas. He was arrested on a charge of public intoxication. Does this not constitute excessive use of alcohol? Was this not a violation of his probation?

Probation should have been revoked #2 -- Two months after incident #1, he was pulled over for speeding on Greenville Avenue. He was unsteady on his feet and smelled like alcohol. He ran from the officer and tried to ditch two sandwich bags of marijuana and cocaine. More excessive use of alcohol, and it looks like the drug treatment program wasn't helping much, either. Was this not a violation of his probation? Well, even federal officials agree to that, so they decided to add "new terms" to his probation. They won't say what the new terms were, or why they expected Jeremy to live up to them when he hadn't lived up to anything else.

Probation is finally revoked -- March 16, Jeremy staggered out of Mick's, climbed in his SUV, and took off. Several 911 calls from people who saw him were made to Dallas police. An officer was flagged down and quickly fell in behind the vehicle and turned on his blue lights. Jeremy did not stop -- on the contrary, he revved the engine and fled at speeds exceeding 80 mph. The officer had to back off in compliance with police department policies on car chases. At Skillman and Mockingbird, Jeremy zoomed through a red light. He collided with a Jeep Cherokee driven by Helmut Haefke, 60 years old, who died on impact. He was buried deep within the mangled wreckage. Jeremy and his passenger received minor injuries. Federal authorities have ordered him detained for probation violations.

So, how do I get my probation revoked? The only way I know of is to kill somebody.