It looks like Six Flags Over Texas has won its petition to sell alcoholic beverages at the Arlington park. A Six Flags spokesman says they hope to be selling beer when they open the 2009 season February 28.
Essie May predicts that before 2009 is over, the park will be sued by some idiot who drank too much and then got hurt by doing something stupid on one of the rides -- or by an innocent patron who was hurt by the drunken idiot.
Remember, you heard it here first!
Paris News funny for the day: Poor Krista Goerte doesn't know whether the word she wants is spelled "premiere" or "premier," so she uses both versions in her January 15 story about a 1959 Impala headed for the auction block. Judging from the context, the word she wants is "premier" meaning first in importance. But then she messes it up -- " . . .on the auction block at one of the world's most premier auction houses." It can't be "most premier." Either it's premier or it's not -- kind of like most unique. On the other hand, I have to say that Krista's writing style is most unique!
"Six Flags cheers decision supporting alcohol sales." The Dallas Morning News; January 10, 2009; p. 1B.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Duh!
I can't believe Ora Irby of Dallas wrote this letter to the editor. What I really can't believe is that The Dallas Morning News actually published it.
Ora thinks "scythe" is a stupid word. Her daughter misspelled the word in her high school spelling bee. Ora said neither she nor her daughter has ever heard the word before. She must not have grown up in Texas -- certainly not in rural Texas. She says she wonders if the people who use scythes know that's what they are. She wants to know why it's not called a weed cutter since that's what it's used for. I guess we could carry that further: "stove" is such a stupid word, let's call it a food cooker; "bed" is a stupid word, let's call it a reclining device; "camera" is a stupid word, let's call it a picture taker; "chair" is a stupid word, let's call it a butt prop; and on and on.
Ora sums up with "So, there we are: having a stupid word with which a speller must have been familiar in the first place in order to spell it . . . No matter our IQ, we cannot win all the spelling bees of life." Obviously, "no matter our IQ," we can have a letter printed in the newspaper!
"The tough contests of life." The Dallas Morning News; January 10, 2009; p. 4B.
Ora thinks "scythe" is a stupid word. Her daughter misspelled the word in her high school spelling bee. Ora said neither she nor her daughter has ever heard the word before. She must not have grown up in Texas -- certainly not in rural Texas. She says she wonders if the people who use scythes know that's what they are. She wants to know why it's not called a weed cutter since that's what it's used for. I guess we could carry that further: "stove" is such a stupid word, let's call it a food cooker; "bed" is a stupid word, let's call it a reclining device; "camera" is a stupid word, let's call it a picture taker; "chair" is a stupid word, let's call it a butt prop; and on and on.
Ora sums up with "So, there we are: having a stupid word with which a speller must have been familiar in the first place in order to spell it . . . No matter our IQ, we cannot win all the spelling bees of life." Obviously, "no matter our IQ," we can have a letter printed in the newspaper!
"The tough contests of life." The Dallas Morning News; January 10, 2009; p. 4B.
Friday, January 16, 2009
More sex equals fewer babies.
Now I've heard it all. Our educational curriculum is the reason so many kids are having babies. Jon Pitt of Dallas says that "This is due to the current abstinence-based sexual education policy of our state's education board."
I guess maybe we should switch to "Go ahead and have all the sex you want-based sexual education policy." Seems Mr. Pitt thinks that might decrease the number of teen pregnancies. Anyone want to nominate Mr. Pitt for an Essie?
Paris News funny for the day: Mary Madewell quotes Mayor Jesse Freelen on the front page of last Tuesday's paper as saying that the city's health insurance costs are out of "sinc" with other local entities. Maybe she can avoid such an error in the future by using a "sinonym."
"Abstinence ed to blame." The Dallas Morning News; January 11, 2009; p. 3P.
I guess maybe we should switch to "Go ahead and have all the sex you want-based sexual education policy." Seems Mr. Pitt thinks that might decrease the number of teen pregnancies. Anyone want to nominate Mr. Pitt for an Essie?
Paris News funny for the day: Mary Madewell quotes Mayor Jesse Freelen on the front page of last Tuesday's paper as saying that the city's health insurance costs are out of "sinc" with other local entities. Maybe she can avoid such an error in the future by using a "sinonym."
"Abstinence ed to blame." The Dallas Morning News; January 11, 2009; p. 3P.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
We are doomed by global warming!
Today's high in Minneapolis - minus 4 degrees. Today's high in Chicago - minus 2 degrees. Lows could reach minus 48 in Minnesota. Coldest temperatures recorded in Chicago in 10 years. This global warming is gonna' kill us all!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
He gave in.
On December 20, I wrote about the much ado about nothing over Rick Warren saying a prayer at the Presidential inauguration. I said that my respect for Obama would increase a tiny bit if he didn't give in to the rantings and ravings of the gays.
He gave in -- Warren will still be on the program, but so will Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Episcopal bishop. He will say a prayer at the first inaugural event at the Lincoln Memorial. I agree with Robinson when he says that he believes "Obama will be the most supportive president ever for gay rights causes."
May God help us all!
Dallas Morning News funny -- from a subhead on page 1B of Tuesday's edition: "Traffic officer's caught stashing cocaine in squad car." I don't know about you, but I've never seen a caught stash cocaine before!
"Gay bishop to kick off festivities." The Dallas Morning News; January 13, 2009; p. 5A.
He gave in -- Warren will still be on the program, but so will Bishop Gene Robinson, the first openly gay Episcopal bishop. He will say a prayer at the first inaugural event at the Lincoln Memorial. I agree with Robinson when he says that he believes "Obama will be the most supportive president ever for gay rights causes."
May God help us all!
Dallas Morning News funny -- from a subhead on page 1B of Tuesday's edition: "Traffic officer's caught stashing cocaine in squad car." I don't know about you, but I've never seen a caught stash cocaine before!
"Gay bishop to kick off festivities." The Dallas Morning News; January 13, 2009; p. 5A.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
The Essie
Everybody gets awards these days, so I am inaugurating "The Essie." I like The Essie so much, that it will probably be given more than once a year. But the first honoree will always be able to say with pride, "We received the very first Essie!"
The Essie award is given on the basis of only one criterion -- pure stupidity.
And the first Essie goes to -- (the envelope, please) -- PETA for their campaign to abolish the word "fish" and replace it with "sea kittens."
You see, no one would want to eat sea kittens, but people think nothing of eating fish. On second thought, that might not be such a bad idea -- I can see eating sea kittens with my hush puppies!
CONGRATULATIONS, PETA!
http://www.peta.org/sea_kittens/about.asp
The Essie award is given on the basis of only one criterion -- pure stupidity.
And the first Essie goes to -- (the envelope, please) -- PETA for their campaign to abolish the word "fish" and replace it with "sea kittens."
You see, no one would want to eat sea kittens, but people think nothing of eating fish. On second thought, that might not be such a bad idea -- I can see eating sea kittens with my hush puppies!
CONGRATULATIONS, PETA!
http://www.peta.org/sea_kittens/about.asp
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Duh!
I recently had occasion to conduct a transaction with the Federal Communications Commission. I filed my information online. A couple of days later, I received an envelope in the mail. It was a document from the FCC thanking me for filing my report online. It also included a paper copy of the report I had filed with additional pages advising me of the federal paperwork reduction act. In keeping with the paper work reduction, I was asked to review the information I had already submitted via internet and return the signed paper copy to them. Looks like this paperwork reduction thing is really working!
Then I read a small item in the newspaper about James Howarth. He received one of those dreaded letters from the IRS. It seems the IRS spent 42 cents to bill him for the 5 cents he owed them. He must pay, they said, or face additional penalties and interest. Ah, but the IRS had made a mistake. James received a second letter saying that the government actually owed him 4 cents. If James wants his 4 cents, he must request it. So our government spent 84 cents to tell a man if he wants the 4 cents he's entitled to, he'll have to spend 42 cents to get it. If he does, the government will have to spend another 42 cents to mail it to him. Multiply this by thousands of unreported instances, and we wonder why we have a deficit!
http://www.archives.gov/federal-register/laws/paperwork-reduction/3501.html
"Detroit man tries to make cents of the IRS." The Dallas Morning News; January 4, 2009; p. 9A.
Then I read a small item in the newspaper about James Howarth. He received one of those dreaded letters from the IRS. It seems the IRS spent 42 cents to bill him for the 5 cents he owed them. He must pay, they said, or face additional penalties and interest. Ah, but the IRS had made a mistake. James received a second letter saying that the government actually owed him 4 cents. If James wants his 4 cents, he must request it. So our government spent 84 cents to tell a man if he wants the 4 cents he's entitled to, he'll have to spend 42 cents to get it. If he does, the government will have to spend another 42 cents to mail it to him. Multiply this by thousands of unreported instances, and we wonder why we have a deficit!
http://www.archives.gov/federal-register/laws/paperwork-reduction/3501.html
"Detroit man tries to make cents of the IRS." The Dallas Morning News; January 4, 2009; p. 9A.
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