Shhhhh!

Have you seen the Progressive Insurance Company commercial promoting their concierge service? They're playing this precious lullaby music, and the mother is getting out of her car with her little girl in her arms and she whispers to the agent -- "I backed into a pole and she never woke up." And the agent whispers -- "Hey, Mike, we need to get a car" or some such thing. And the whispering continues while the lady's rental car is being prepared. Then she slips into the rental with her precious sleeping bundle and the agent whispers and gestures that he'll call her. Give me a break! If the kid didn't wake up when she wrecked the car, and the banging doors and motors and honking horns of traffic didn't wake her up, do you really think a little conversation is going to disturb her? They may need to consider taking the kid to the hospital to see if she's comatose! I'll take the gecko or the cavemen any old day.

Then, there's the Suddenlink commercial advertising their phone service. The lady says, "I feel so secure knowing my children can dial 911 with Suddenlink." So are we to assume they can't dial 911 with AT&T or Verizon?

And the commercial for some loan sharking company that encourages you to get that $5000 loan to consolidate your debts or whatever it is you need -- I managed to glimpse the very fine print that flashes on the screen for a millisecond. I knew I had misread it, so I made it a point to watch for it the next time the commercial was on. I hadn't misread it -- they really do charge an APR of 98.2%. You may consolidate your debt, but you're going to have one whopper of a monthly payment.

I could go on, but I've got to go take my Miracle Diet so I can lose 50 pounds in 6 weeks (results may vary. May cause diahrrea, vomiting, or other minor complications including stroke, heart attack, aneurysm, or death. See your doctor if any of these symptoms occur).