Like, what word would we, like, use if we didn't, like, have like?

Like, Mr. Essie May and I, like, had breakfast at, like, a restaurant, like, the other day. Like, while we were, like, waiting to be, like, seated, like, these two, like, young girls, like maybe 17 or 18, like came in. Like, they were, like, basically, dressed, like, alike -- like they had on these, like, midriff, like, tops, and, like, their skirts were, like, hip-hugging and, like, OMG, really, really short. And like, one of them, like, had this, like, tattoo on her belly, but, like, only part of it was, like showing -- like the rest of it disappeared into, like, you know, her like, waistband.

And like, the first one goes, "OMG, did you, like, see, like the way he, like looked, at me." And the second one like, goes, "OMG, like creep me out!" And like, the first one goes, "Like, I felt like, like, you know, OMG, like, he was looking right, like, through my like clothes. And like, I, you know, thought about like, you know, going like, 'What are you, like, staring at, Mister.'" And the second one goes, like, all like, you know, indignant, like, you know, like, "The world is like OMG, full of like dirty old, you know, men!"

Like, ladies, like, my first advice, like to you, like is to go, "OMG, come on, like, girls! If you, like, don't like, like, being, like, stared at, don't, you know, like, dress, like, in a way that says, like, 'Look at me!'" Like my second, like, bit of advice, like, OMG, is to ban like from your, like, vocabulary, you know? Like my third bit, like, of advice, is, like, to learn that go is not a synonym for, like, OMG, said. Like, if you, like, do those three things, like, you'll find, like, far fewer, like, you know, like people, staring at, like, you! OMG!

Stupid is as stupid does.

The Carrollton mayor's race has some interesting issues. Incumbent Becky Miller faces Ron Branson in Saturday's election.

Mayor Miller, according to herself, has a quite colorful past. She attended the University of Kentucky, and she used to sing backup for Linda Ronstadt and Jackson Browne. She was once engaged to Eagles singer-songwriter Don Henley. Her brother sacrificed his life for freedom in Vietnam.

Mr. Branson was suspicious of these stories. When Mayor Miller's supporters approached him and asked him not to run, he told them he wouldn't if they would prove the stories true. He's still in the race.

The Dallas Morning News decided to check out the mayor's stories. Neither Jackson Browne nor Linda Ronstadt has ever heard of Mrs. Miller. "I was using another name then," she says. The News says they gave the names Becky, Rebecca, Miller, Gibson, Sampson (Mrs. Miller's maiden and married names). Nope, they still don't remember her. What names would they know her by? Maybe Pinky, Mrs. Miller says. Nope, don't remember any Pinky's either.

The University of Kentucky has no record of her enrollment. "Well," she says, "I attended only two months." Anything more than two weeks, they'd have a record of according to university officials.

Engaged to Don Henley? He never heard of her. "Well, maybe we weren't engaged, but we dated." Still never heard of her.

The brother who died in Vietnam? Her father says he had only one son who's still living and never served in the military. Half-brother or step-brother maybe? Not unless his wife of 60 years has one hidden away somewhere, he says. "Oh well, he has Alzheimers," says Mayor Miller, "He can't remember today from tomorrow." They better check the living brother then, because he doesn't remember their soldier brother, either. But Mrs. Miller can prove it -- she has a name. Sure enough, he's on the Vietnam memorial. He's a Negro. Mrs. Miller is white. Oops!

Mrs. Miller's brother is a songwriter for the Eagles, she says. He's not listed on any of the professional registers. Mrs. Miller says she doesn't like people delving into her personal life. Imagine that!

Mr. Branson says all this is relevant to the election, because it brings Mrs Miller's character and integrity into question. Forget character and integrity -- this woman is too stupid to be mayor!

Translation: That's nuts!

I just heard that the students in one of our local school districts didn't have to go to school today. They had a holiday for Cinco de Mayo.

Es muy loco!

Can you hear me now?

I just got home from church, and evidently the man running the sound system thinks God is hearing impaired. The sound was teeth-rattling loud. Add to that the persistent beat of the drums and bass guitar, the attempt to cram umpteen dozen "praise" choruses into a service, and the clapping and standing ovations, and I felt like I'd had a big amphetamine hit by the time we walked out of there.

I go to church in an attempt to escape the world and find a place that will calm my spirit and be conducive to worship. Loud and fast doesn't provide that place.

When I came home, I opened a window. It was nice and calm outside and there were birds singing in the trees. Think I'll just do my worshiping here.

Stop the Presses!

A few words from politicians and editors:

Governor Rick Perry is quoted in The Dallas Morning News of April 23, 2008: "I don't want to go to Washington. I've got a great job . . . you can do more from your prospective state . . ." I think he means "respective." I'm pretty sure we took care of that prospective state thing in 1845 and again after the Civil War ended.

April 20, 2008, Mary Madewell said: " . . .Texans split ballots among independents Carole Keeton Strayhorn and Pinky Friedman . . ." Guess she's had a little too much Pinky Wilson-- the Friedman guy's name is Kinky.

May 2, 2008 -- Eric Clifford, in urging his tax freeze ordinance presented to the Paris City Council in an initiative petition be passed, says the flaws in it are only minor and can be dealt with later. Yeah, that's what the contractor told me about the crack in my foundation just before my kitchen fell off.

Also May 2, 2008 -- Mary Madewell writes, "City engineer Shawn Napier, in his roll as staff contact, distributed . . ." Wrong role. Here's the difference illustrated in a sentence: In the new movie, Let the Presses Roll, Mary Madewell played the role of the managing editor -- but not very convincingly.

"Teach-in" or political indoctrination?

An article in today's Dallas Morning News details a California "teach-in" held May 1. For this "teach-in" protest, regular curriculum was suspended. Social Studies Teacher Craig Gordon said the goal was to raise awareness among students who may not have a firm grasp of the relationship between what happens at home and what happens "out there." "I want them to actively think about the priorities of society, because they are the ones who are going to be most affected," Gordon said.


Of course, a third of Gordon's students were missing. Latino students staged their own protest, marching in front of the school to complain about their perceived lack of immigrant rights. If they're so oppressed here, my suggestion to them is to go back to Mexico where they can get a real quality education.


Anyway, back to Mr. Gordon. Despite what he says, Mr. Gordon doesn't want his students to "actively think." He wants them to think the way he does. Examples from his discussion topics prove the point: students from elementary to adult education discussed "everything from whether the U.S. was committing acts of violence against innocent people to whether American businesses were getting rich on the backs of the poor." I don't know about you, but that sounds a little biased to me. One worksheet handed out to students assessed current events: "About 1,000,000 Iraqis are dead and 4,000 American soldiers . The war will cost the U.S. about $2.8 trillion. Our schools don't have money. Many people don't have health care." Do you think this man is a liberal or a conservative? If he's not indoctrinating, you shouldn't be able to tell.


And all these young skulls full of mush (as Rush would say) are falling for this crap. "We don't have any money because it's all going to the war," said Ashley Lawless, an 18-year-old senior who, moments before, had been obsessively fixing her hair.


District officials, while not sanctioning the teach-in, didn't condemn it, either. They said they recognized the need to teach current events, and these lessons exemplified that.

Make no mistake -- these were NOT current events lessons. The teach-in was nothing short of political indoctrination. And if it ever occurs in my school district, they'll have more than a bunch of Mexicans protesting in front of the school!

Every parent's dream . . .

I don't know where Billy Ray Cyrus left his brain when he allowed 15-year-old Miley to be photographed in provocative nude poses. It may not technically qualify as child pornography, but it's definitely child exploitation. The scariest thing about the publication of the photos is Rosie O'Donnell. On her blog, she describes the pictures as "beautiful." Just what every parent dreams of -- Rosie O'Donnell lusting for their teenage daughter!