You got it, Pard!

Preston Van Leeuwen of San Luis Obispo, California, wrote a letter to The Dallas Morning News. I guess he thought he was being funny, but maybe he really is this ignorant.

He says that Governor Perry's ads in California encouraging businesses to relocate to Texas were offensive to him, because they've had a devastating economic downturn. Well, duh! When 1960's throwback Jerry Brown is your Governor and your businesses are over-taxed and over-regulated, and your tax burden is second only to New York's, you're surprised that there was a devastating economic downturn?

He was offended by the Texas tourism industry when it ran ads in California touting Texas vacations. So does that mean we should be offended that those Hollywood types expect us Texans to go see their movies and watch their TV shows? Does that mean they won't advertise going to Disneyland or Yosemite or touring movie star homes in Texas? But then the kicker comes -- old Preston and his wife and friends are planning on coming to Texas. Can you folks out in California say, "Hypocrite"?

Preston is prepared, though, for the backwoods. He says they've already been warned not to mention words like Nancy Pelosi, Barbra Streisand and gay marriage. They've been told they shouldn't make fun of Governor Perry's glasses or point out that Texas had more executions last year than Yemen. You got it, pardner! But go ahead and talk about the executions, Preston. We're quite proud that we execute those who deserve it -- the only thing we're ashamed of is how few get the needle and how long it takes to get through all their appeals.

Old Preston says that, on second thought, he thinks he'll just cancel his trip. Suits us, Preston. We don't like Pelosi-Streisand-queer lovers around here who are so panty-waist they don't figure it's nice to execute animalistic criminals. As for the Gov's glasses -- the man evidently sees things a whole lot better than you do. Maybe you should get a pair.

"A trip to Texas? Really?" The Dallas Morning News; July 13, 2014; p. 2P.